Bitter Sweet...Food for Thought...

Well today is the day. We are moving to Provo. My stomach is sick, and I am flooded with emotions! I have so many good friends here in Cedar that I am so Sad to leave. I loved my job working at Horizon House, a treatment home for people with substance abuse problems, it was a great learning experience. There are a flood of thoughts that come with this life altering decision... I keep thinking Why? How? Are we sure? This is crazy! It is amazing how difficult stresses and trials in life can be, even when WE CHOOSE them for ourselves! Even with all of the questions though I do not question IF we should do this because I know this is right for me and our little family at this time. I can not tell you of the countless blessings that have been poured out over us with this decision. I don't know why and how, I just know what?
It is difficult to compare trials, I know, however I am going to a little... I was thinking yesterday why does this have to be so difficult and filled with emotions, (seriously as I think about this tears are coming to my eyes). I do not want to leave the comfort of this modest, but beautiful home in Cedar City. I don't want to leave our ward and my dear friends. I only ever wanted to be a stay at home mom, so why in the world am I CHOOSING to go back to school? I am so comfortable here!
I truly believe we (Dave and I) have been guided and almost just placed in this decision. I KNOW that this is what Heavenly Father wants for us! But I am choosing this, why does it have to feel so difficult and uncomfortable? Why do I get to choose my trials and some people don't????? How can I even compare this trial to theirs for theirs seem so far greater than mine, yet this feels difficult. I have had this thought that I truly believe the last couple of days and that is that we all choose/chose our trials. I don't know why but I really feel that Our God, Our Creator, Our Father in Heaven, loves us each so much that he LET US CHOOSE and lets us choose because of the gift of His Son. He knew and We knew before we ever tasted of the breath of life, what would help US grow and return back to Him and his Beloved Son. For that, for my Saviour, for Our Saviour, I am truly greatful!
I ask myself how do I expect to grow if I am not challenged? How do any of us expect to grow without stretching? I don't necessarily have these thoughts on a regular easy basis, they come with trials. With trial comes progression, understanding, love, and knowledge. I am so thankful for these thoughts. I am greatful to be able to embark on this adventure, because I know I will learn so much. I am so greatful for my family, for my wonderful supportive husband, for my three year old and five year old boys! For my mother, for my siblings, for my cousins, aunts and uncles! Where would I be, who would I be without all of these wonderful people in my life? I am excited for the fun that I will have with the family and friends I have in Provo. I know that I will make new friends and have a wonderful time, it is just getting there that is a little difficult. (Packing and saying good-bye are not my favorite things to do.) Anyways I just thought that I would post these thoughts. I am not sure how long it will take us to get our internet hooked up there so this may be it for a while. Joey turned 3 two days ago. I feel bad I did not post his picture, but my camera battery died when I was trying to take his birthday picture, and I have been too busy to get new batteries. I think it is amazing how on the birthdays of our children, well atleast for me and a few others I have talked to, we are given the gift of remembrance. It's almost as if you can relive the day, the emotions and memories, of the day they were born. I love it! That is a whole other blog though...
Love you all! Smile! Life is good! Marilla